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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Is this a story or the truth?'s LiveJournal:

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Friday, October 8th, 2010
7:38 pm
Sammie just wrote a fairy tale book.

She used the word "dumbfounded" to describe the witch.

Me: What does "dumbfounded" mean, Sammie?
Sammie: That's when you're founded by DUMB.

There's an illustration of the witch. She's half snake, half lion, half alligator, and crazy-haired. And she's got kangaroo feet.
Sunday, June 20th, 2010
2:00 am
World Cup
Little Sam gave Big Sam detailed highlights of the Ghana/Australia match. I didn't understand half of them, other than the game ended in a tie, I guess?
Saturday, June 19th, 2010
10:47 pm
Massages vs. Cleaning Up
I've been asking her to clean up her toys off the living room floor All. Day.

She stops to give me a back rub, sweet thing that she is.

Me: Ahhh.... this is better than cleaning up....
S: It's better?
7:34 pm
Veterinary school (my Daughter is a feminist)
S: I want to be a veterinarian when I grow up.
Me: You'll have to study a lot.
S: I don't have to study a lot. I already know what veterinarians do.
Me: Well, you know what they DO, but you don't know HOW to do it.
[A brief explanation of what veterinarians do follows]

We're watching some videos on Mike Lombardo's YouTube Channel.

Me: For example, do you know what HE does?
S: He plays music.
Me: But do you know HOW to play music?
S: Nooooooooooo.


S: Like, if I give a kitty the wrong medicine....
Me: You could make him sicker.
Me: Or you could make her sicker.

And then,

S: I know what I could do! I could be a veterinarian for animals ANNNND for people!
Me: Some people are animals.
S: ... ... Huh?
Thursday, June 17th, 2010
12:00 pm
Fakin' it.
I show J a picture on the internet. We laugh. It's SFW, but rather inappropriate humor for a 7 year-old.

S: I wanna see it!
Me: No. You wouldn't get it.
S: But I would laugh so hard, like I got it!
Thursday, March 18th, 2010
7:42 pm
We don't do this on purpose.
Sammie has developed her own fascination with large reptiles, completely independently and unaware of my own fascination with large reptiles.

We're playing pirates in search of treasure, and she's laid out a blue blanket across the living room. Two pillows double as our canoes, which we will use to cross this river as we embark on our journey.

And along comes..... A CROCODILE!!
Sammie: I'll throw this broccoli at him!
Me: Crocodiles don't eat broccoli.
Sammie: I know. See? He's going away!

I never would have thought of that.
Monday, February 15th, 2010
7:04 pm
Things inherited - The SmartAss Gene
Homework (among other things): Use "won't" in a sentence.

She writes: I won't play that.

Me: Sammie, that's not a complete sentence.

We erase it so she can come up with a new one.

New sentence: I won't do my homework, mom and dad!
Friday, February 12th, 2010
10:06 am
Things inherited - Tastes
Yesterday, when I picked her up from school, girl's eyes were firmly fixed on this one guy helping kids onto the cars. Good-looking guy. I mean, you know. MEOWRR. Rock star hair down to his shoulders, rock star shades, cool attitude, right up my alley. Child could not keep her eyes off of him, kept trying to get his attention to say bye.

Today they're having their little Valentine's day thing, exchanging cards, all that jazz. She made a card for a certain Mr. H. and we couldn't talk her out of taking the card to school with her. Glitter, glue, drawings.

I had to ask.

Me: Does Mr. H. have long hair?
Sammie: Yes. I mean, no. His hair is like Grandpa's. [Grandpa does not have long hair, not even close]
J: Is he your gym teacher?
Sammie: No. I don't have any classes with him. He just says hi to me sometimes.
Me: Was he the guy helping the car-riders yesterday?
Sammie: No.

I told J the story about the long-haired guy, and how Sammie must have inherited my taste in guys.

J: Well, obviously. While she can't keep her eyes off the long-haired guy, she's giving a Valentine to someone who looks like Grandpa.

Tru dat.

Tru dat.
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
4:07 pm
Things inherited - Foot-in-mouth disease
J, pulling plastic drink lid out of the sink: What is this doing in the sink?

Sammie: WHAT!? That goes in the trash, not the SINK! People who put stuff like that in the sink are D-U-M-E!

At some point while J's ROFLing from the irony, she corrected herself.

Ahh... Our daughter's had her first righteous indignation foot-in-mouth moment....
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
2:46 pm
Loose teeth
Text from J: Your daughter has one of her hair bands in her mouth and on the door handle, trying to get her tooth out. She's moving with the door as she shuts it, though, so it's not really working. Cute, though.

Me: That's barbaric!

J: But ADORABLY barbaric.
Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
11:26 am
Sammie: My legs hurt.... my bones are getting too big and my leg meat is too small....
Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
1:01 pm
Sammie: This magnet doesn't stick to me, because I am not metal. I am meat.
Saturday, October 25th, 2008
8:44 pm
She played in a sandbox today, courtesy of my mother.

Spent a good time there, completely taking over the shovels and tools. Wanted to play on the swings, and she leaves Abue in charge of the sandbox and says, "K, have fun!"

Later, when she saw my mom away from the box, she came running and told her she wanted her there "for a long time," to keep the other kids from taking the tools.

Dag, yo.
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
9:14 pm
J: You are being entirely too silly, and not doing what I said.
Me: Sam, please pay attention and do what your father asked you to do.
[Which, in this case, is to get ready to go to bed]
Sammie: I'm, uhm. Cleaning up. Because this place is a DI-SAS-TER.
J: Well, you helped create that. You are the Princess of Disaster.
Sammie: Actually I'm the Princess of Cleaning Up.

As she's cleaning up, she's carrying something on her back.
Sammie: I'm like a turtle!
J: Yes, you're like a turtle, in that you keep... making similes.
[Possibly making a reference to Penny Arcade. I know it's what *I* thought about]
At which point, Sammie, COMPLETELY UNAWARE of the existence of the above mentioned comic, says...
Sammie: Yeah, because I'm BIG AS A SHARK.


She's awesome.
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
9:50 pm
Pumpkin Carving
Among the stencils we had in the pumpkin-carving kit this year, there was one of a vampire about to bite into the neck of a young girl, who is either sleeping or swooning. Hard to tell. It's actually kinda hard to tell anything in that picture, it's pretty abstract altogether, and it took a few minutes for Sammie to realize what was going on. And then she says,

"You know what would make this picture better? If the girl was SCREAMING."

That's my girl. Because screaming is what you're SUPPOSED to do when a vampire's at your neck, not SWOON.
Friday, June 19th, 2009
12:04 am
Diego and Alicia
Sammie's been going on and on and on for about 10 minutes about how much she wants to have a baby.


His name will be Diego, and she will teach him how to play the drums. Next, she will have a girl, and she will be named Alicia.

"I can't wait to have a baby inside me!!!!"

This Clammy thing is SO getting out of hand.
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
4:35 pm
Brother Bear
Sammie: When I get in a fight, I go all crazy, and I'm a raging ball of brown fur!
Me: You're not made of fur.
Sammie: Uh... I mean... I go all crazy, and I'm a raging ball of round meat!
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
12:32 am
Imagination movers
I was reading one of Scott's tweets outloud to J, when Sammie pops up behind me and says, "that's the man Clammy saw!"
She proceeds to make up this long story about Scott, who is also called Smitty, or Rich, or Dave. From the Imagination Movers, a show (I guess) that I've never seen. I tell her that maybe it was a different Scott. There are lots of people in the world named Scott. Why, Sammie, did you know that Harrison's middle name is Scott? She assures me she knew, but I don't believe her. She just keeps on telling me her story.
"Well, Sammie, I'm talking about Scott G. He rides a bike."
"Yes! That's the one that Clammy SAW! On his BIKE!"

That Clammy sure gets around...
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
1:27 am
With Special Guest: Lilia Mae
We were having lunch with Jay's family this past Sunday, and Sammie and Lily sit together as usual.

Sam picks up the ketchup and tells Lily she'll put it all over her dish. I didn't hear right, and thought she said FISH (Lilia was having chicken).

Me: Fish??
Sammie: No, DISH.
Me: Oh. I thought you said FISH.

Lilia, completely deadpan and with a look close to contempt: On my P L A T E.

The way she said that was priceless.
Like, GUH, don't you know ANYTHING?

That girl is too funny.
1:23 am
Sammie: Can somebody kiss my shoulder?
Me: I'd LOVE to kiss your shoulder, baby. MWAH.
::she coughs on my face::
Me: And thank you for coughing on my face, honey.
Sammie: ... ... Uh... that's No, thank you.
Me: That's right, Sam. It's called Sarcasm. I speak it fluently, just like Spanish.
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